“We put ourselves into a story, a box that doesn’t have flexible walls. Recognize there are other possibilities for your story. Start to make the walls more flexible.”
Every single one of us has a story that we tell ourself. A main story made up of a lot of small ones, and we live our life according to those stories.
A lot of us are not aware of the story we tell ourself or that it has a direct impact on our choices, actions, mood and where we are in life.
We are the author of our own story and yet we tend to describe ourself and our life so badly.
The story that we’re telling ourselves will either empower us or bring us down. It impacts every aspect of our life and it’s the reason for where we find ourself in life today. Of corse we’ve all had bad experiences throughout our lives that were very real and very serious, but we tend to give these experiences more energy than they really need. There are the things that actually happened and then there’s our story and interpretation of those events. It is as it is and it’s very simple, but we tend to make it worse and give it some kind of meaning and then adopt it into our story and instead of getting stronger because of it, it is holding us back. I’m not saying that if something really bad happened to you that you shouldn’t be sad about it. It’s a very natural thing. But you should decide what role that event should play in your life. Are you unconsciously letting it hold you back and using it as an excuse or are you learning from it and becoming stronger because of it?
When I used to look back at past events and how my life has been, I would make up my story out of that. I would let it define me and make it a part of my identity. I used to believe that I was a quiet outsider, that no one understood me and that there were no place for me in this world. That was the story I told myself.
The story I tell myself today is, I shouldn’t let past events controle or define who I am now or care what other people think about me. It’s okay to be quiet sometimes (I’ve actually learned a lot from it). I tell myself that there’s a lot of likeminded people in the world, I just need to find them (and I have) and my place in this world is wherever I want it to be.
My life has changed and improved a lot all because of how I changed the story I told myself. The first step is to actually realize that you’re telling yourself a story. Second step is to find out what that story is. Third step is to realize that it shouldn’t limit you. Forth step is to change your story so that it empowers you and moves you in the direction you truly want to go in.
As I mentioned in the beginning, our life consists of a lot of small stories. These stories impact different areas in our life. For example if you’re practicing some kind of sport but don’t believe that you’re good at it, then that’s the story you’ll believe in. On the other hand if you accept your current situation and acknowledge that there’s room for improvement and then use it as fuel instead and become a fighter, then it becomes a whole other story.
The same goes if you’ve had some bad relationships in the past. If you tell yourself that you’re not able to maintain a good and healthy relationsship, then guess what… you won’t. No matter how loving or perfect the other person is, you’ll think that it’s too good to be true and you’ll consciously or unconsciously look for bad things and mistakes.
The point is that you need to believe that you’re capable of changing it. If you want to have a good relationship, then tell yourself that you’re good at relationships. If you want to be a writer then tell yourself that you’re a writer. If you want a good life then tell yourself that life is good.
“People who consider themselves victims of their circumstances will always remain victims unless they develop a greater vision for their lives” – Stedman Graham
We tell ourselves the same story over and over again and it becomes our reality, and whichever story you tell yourself is going to be true, because it’s what you’re going to believe in.
A lot of us play this victim role in our life and nothing seems to be going our way and people don’t seem to understand us. But if that’s the story you tell yourself, if that’s what you identify with as a person, then no matter what people say to you, that’s what you’re going to stick to. If you feel like a victim and that you’re not good enough then it doesn’t matter how many people tell you how lucky, smart and beautiful you are. You won’t believe it because that’s not what you tell yourself.
I have a friend, and when he was younger he was involved in some bad stuff. He was in a bad environment and he was involved with some very bad people. He had to sleep with a gun under his pillow every night because there was a chance that one of those people could be knocking on his door at any time.
That was many years ago and now he’s out of that environment, but it’s clear that not all of it is behind him. I’ve seen him very sad because he’s still so emotionally attached to it and he doesn’t always believe he is a good person or father to his kids, because of who he is. But he doesn’t realize that he’s not that person anymore. He just think he is because that’s the story he tells himself. He is letting the past impact his present even though it has nothing to do with who he is today.
Our stories are very hard to change. First of all we have to become aware of the story we
tell ourselves and know that we actually have the power to change it. But our main obstacle is our ego (The Ego On Your Shoulder) . We take some kind of pride in our stories. “I went through this and that is what made me the person I am today”. We WANT to hold on to our stories, because without it, who would we be? We have such a huge emotional attachment to it and it’s hard to let go and change the direction of our story.
The hardest battle of our life is the battle within our own mind. A lot of things only exist in our head and more often than not we’re a victim of our own mind. Learn to use it in your favor instead. You should not forget the events that brought you to where you are today but realize that it shouldn’t decide the person that you’re going to be for the rest of your life.
Take some time to really think about the story you’ve been telling yourself and where it has brought you. If you feel like you’re stuck in life then this will give you some answers to why.
We need to realize that the story we tell ourselves doesn’t define us, but our decisions and actions in this moment does. Reclaim who you are instead of repeating the same old story.
Change your story change your life. You are the author – you decide.
Thank you for reading. Feel free to like and share if you enjoyed it, and please let me know what you think and if I can improve anything.
Make a great day